Germany, 1939: mental illness leads to invasion of Poland

Sudden mental illness in 3.8 million German soldiers

1939: Germany has invaded Poland, with the British Prime Minister calling it an outrageous act of mental illness.

He said there was no evidence of any political motive on the part of the Third Reich, and that the invasion was carried out by people who “obviously suffer from mental health problems“.

The reasons for the Germans carrying out the invasion were at this stage “unknown“, and claims that it was to provide Lebensraum for the German people was dismissed as ‘racist and xenophobic’.

Germany would also eventually invade Russia, but this was also blamed on mental health problems in all 3.8 million German troops involved.

In other news, a man from a non-politically-preferred ethnic group committed a crime, and was immediately given a clean bill of mental health from the media and branded a ‘right wing extremist’, a label it will now take him several years and thousands of dollars in legal fees to remove.

Angela Merkel wasn’t available for comment.

‘Male’ and ‘Female’ to be removed from birth certificates

BWP, and nothing can change that...

BWP, and nothing can change that…

Satire alert: The government has announced that the words ‘male’ and ‘female’ will be removed from birth certificates and replaced with non-oppressive gender-neutral terminology.

Since gender is now an entirely fluid concept which has nothing to do with one’s physical body or arrangement of chromosomes, birth certificates will now use the following acronyms:

  • BWP: born with the male sexual organ;
  • BWV: born with the female sexual organ;
  • BWB: born with both; and
  • BWN: born with neither (that should cater for all eventualities – Ed)

Whatever gender a person chooses to be later in life, and whatever surgical procedures they undergo, at least the birth certificate will accurately record an indisputable physical fact about themselves at the point of their birth.

What happens after that is anybody’s guess.

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