Friday Funny

Gets my goat…

Gets my goat…

Original story here.

UPDATE: in case anyone thinks the photo is doctored, here’s the original, which appeared in the print edition of The Australian on Friday:

IMG_0248 (1)

No Photoshop there… [click to enlarge]

VIDEO: Islamic State thinks of a name

According to Obama and Kerry, Islamic State has nothing to do with Islam. So how did they come up with the name? The Three Jihadis, Abdul, Ibrahim and Usman, explain:

Downton Abbey meets Islamic State

Usman explains why Lord Grantham should be very wary of his canine companion…

Cartoon: Obama’s Intelligence

Genius.

hopenchange

Original story: “Obama faces backlash after blaming intel community for missing ISIS,” FOX News, September 28, 2014

You’d better hope there are Muslims on every habitable planet in the Universe…

… otherwise, no matter what you do, or how hard you try, there will still be kafir somewhere. And that kind of defeats the whole purpose of Islam, doesn’t it? Even if Islam is victorious here on planet Earth, and we humans, every single one of us, all submit to the will of Allah, it won’t make the slightest bit of difference, and Islam will still be a spectacular failure.
[Read more…]

‘Men in robes’ found ‘having picnic’ near nuclear facility

Just having a picnic!

Just having a picnic!

Nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep!

These five ‘men’ were just having a picnic, making daisy chains and sharpening their beheading knives, right next to Lucas Heights nuclear facility south of Sydney.

Obviously there were no clues as to the religious background of these mysterious ‘men’, who the media will inevitably brand as ‘right-wing extremists’:

  • of Middle Eastern appearance;
  • wearing long robes;
  • with long beards but trimmed moustaches (purely coincidental that is just like Muhammad and the way Muslim men are required to wear facial hair); and
  • praying.
  • [In fact, the only thing missing was a copy of the Qur’an and repeated shouts of ‘Allahu akbar’.]

But apart from that, police have absolutely nothing to go on… and whatever it is, it has nothing to do with Islam.

Tomorrow’s headlines will read that the men claim they were victims of Islamophobia and ‘unfair targeting’, just for having a day out in the countryside.

They had all 809,444 km² of New South Wales to choose from for their teddy-bears’ picnic, but just by chance, they happened to choose a location just metres from one of the most highly sensitive Commonwealth facilities in the entire country.

What rotten bad luck!

Source.

Satire Alert: Police raids ‘Islamophobic’

Islamophobia

Islamophobia

UPDATE: It’s not satire after all:

Meanwhile, Mohammed Junaid Thorne, a radical Islamic preacher and self-proclaimed sheikh, slammed the anti-terror raids as “attacks on Islam and Muslims.” According to the Daily Telegraph, the 25-year-old preacher asked Allah to “destroy those who plot against us.”

… Thorne blasted intelligence agencies for invading the private lives of Muslims.

You really can’t make it up…


Muslim leaders have condemned this morning’s police raids in Sydney and Brisbane as ‘Islamophobic’ and accused ASIO of  ‘targeting Muslims’.

In a statement, Islamic leaders said:

This is a clear case of police targeting Muslims purely because of their religion… and because they were planning to carry out terrorist atrocities on Australian soil.

The Soldiers of Allah, er, sorry I mean followers of the Religion of Peace™, should be allowed to carry on with their daily lives, including random beheadings of innocent strangers, without this unacceptable harassment from the police and security services.

Blah, blah, blah, … Islamophobia… racism… fear-mongering… inevitable backlash… Religion of Peace… blah, blah, blah…

The statement went on to say that such actions by the police were a clear case of victimisation of an oppressed minority, i.e. criminals.

Neville Chamberlain: Don’t let’s be beastly to the Germans

Latest taqiyya…

Latest taqiyya from Herr Hitler…

London 1939. Neville Chamberlain has urged the British people not to ‘demonise’ the Nazis and engage in senseless ‘Germanophobia’.

“It is extremely unhelpful to label the Nazis as genocidal, Jew-hating war-mongers who want to take over the world. Nazism is an ideology of peace, which has been hijacked by a few extremists, most notably Adolf Hitler, Heinrich Himmler, Hermann Goering, Joseph Goebbels and several hundred thousand others.”

[Read more…]

Terror threat level raised to ‘High’ – Methodists blamed

Leader of the extremist group, John Wesley

Leader of the extremist group, John Wesley

Satire alert: Australia today raised the terror threat level to ‘high’ as a result of the increasing risk posed by fundamental Methodists.

In a press release issued by the radical Methodist State from a secret location in a sleepy part of Cornwall, UK (and right next to a very good tea shop, which is handy), it has warned that unless it receives enough cup-cakes and chocolate biscuits for the bring-and-buy sale on Saturday, it will be forced to instruct its militants, who will all be wearing the now-familiar chunky wool cardigans made for them by the ladies’ knitting circle, to go into the streets to carry out random acts of kindness on unsuspecting strangers.

The statement also said:

We have a highly dangerous collection of Charles Wesley’s most cloying and sentimental hymns, and we’re not afraid to use them. So you’d better come up with the cakes and biscuits or else, or else… we’ll all get very, very cross. But only for a bit, and not really cross, because we’re such nice people we’ll have a lovely time whatever happens. Don’t forget the Christmas jumble sale either – that’s always a great success! I see the weather’s turned out nice again…

The public were advised to be on their guard for members of the Methodist State in the streets raising money for charity and other good works.

In other news: Rape, beheadings, murders, destruction, torture and suicide bombings, all thanks to the Religion of Peace.

Islamic State terrorists traumatised by shocking Islamophobia video

Will the Islamophobia ever end?

Will the Islamophobia ever end?

Satire alert: Islamic State terrorists in Iraq have described as ‘barbaric and appalling’ a new video posted on YouTube, purporting to show Muslims being subjected to a vicious Islamophobic verbal assault which brutally links the violent actions of the Islamic State with the ‘Religion of Peace’.

“It’s absolutely disgusting,” said IS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi while holding a severed head. “When a Western journalist accurately reports our use of quotes from the Qur’an, such as ‘strike at their necks’, to justify our actions, it is deeply offensive to the vast majority of peace-loving Muslims. We might be raping, murdering, pillaging and beheading, but the real problem here is the sickening Islamophobia.”

A spokesman for Western governments feared that there would be a ‘backlash’ against the population for such an atrocity depicted in the video. He said that it was only a ‘tiny minority of extremists’ that engaged in Islamophobia, as the majority of the Western population had been thoroughly brainwashed by the left/liberal media into believing that Islamic State had ‘nothing to do with Islam’ and was really a ‘religion of peace’.

Islamic State appealed for calm in Iraq. “Despite the appalling horror of this video, I appeal to my fellow mujahideen, sorry I mean, my fellow soldiers of Allah, sorry, I mean, my friends, to avoid taking out their disappointment on our Western captives by calling them nasty, hurtful names or demanding that they speak out openly and condemn the actions of their compatriots.”

He then added: “Oh wait, scratch that, we just beheaded them.”

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