Paris climate conference news: ISIS pledges to slash its emissions


The last climate sceptic in Islamic State

Abu Bakr al-Gore deals with the last climate sceptic in Islamic State

A delegation from ISIS has returned to Paris after their last visit a fortnight ago, where they callously murdered 130 people, to attend the UN’s Climate Conference.

The rogue terrorist organisation of fanatical Islamists has pledged to cut its emissions by nearly 100% by 2020, an ambitious target which many Western countries will struggle to meet.

Climate spokesman for Islamic State, Abu Bakr al-Gore bin al-Flannery, explained:

“Allah willing, the promised apocalypse will happen in 2019, and so Islamic State can be confident that its emissions will definitely be zero by 2020.

“It is a matter of great regret that our carbon emissions in the last few years have been very high, mostly as a result of our intensive program of burning infidels. But we’re looking at more environmentally friendly methods of incineration using new technologies which will reduce our carbon footprint, until that time when we are finally admitted to that heavenly place all Muslims desire… a seat in the UN general assembly.”

“Our motto is: We love slashing emissions as much as we love slashing throats!”

President Obama welcomed the participation of Islamic State in taking action on climate change. Speaking from Paris, Obama said:

“Despite their genocidal acts of senseless violence towards non-Muslims over the past few years and their threats to utterly destroy the West, shedding rivers of infidel blood in the process, ISIL have shown, by their presence here in Paris, to be making an extremely valuable contribution to the global push to tackle climate change. Their target of 100% reduction by 2020 is something of which all of us can be proud, and to which we should all aspire.

“Climate change is the greatest threat faced by the planet, and I am glad that this marauding bunch of maniacal head-choppers is standing headless-shoulder to headless-shoulder with the United States.

We also respect their no-nonsense attitude towards climate deniers, which usually involves beheading or disembowelling followed by a high-definition YouTube video, and is a policy I will personally be suggesting to the EPA and the Attorney General.

“Make no mistake, ISIL has nothing to do with Islam, and everything to do with action on climate change.”

Abu Bakr al-Gore bin al-Flannery commented that he believed that most of the planet would have zero emissions by 2020, adding:

“It certainly will once we’re finished with it.”

Comments

  1. James Murphy says:

    brilliant stuff, genuinely made me laugh out loud

    Like

  2. Jim MacIntosh says:

    Brilliant, yes, but almost too close to the truth to be considered satire.

    Like

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