Breaking news: nothing has anything to do with Islam


Nothing to do with Islam, OK?

Nothing to do with Islam, OK?

Satire alert: Islamic leaders have issued a statement explaining that nothing, including the Qur’an, mosques and even Muslims themselves, has anything to do with Islam. The statement was widely applauded by President Obama and David Cameron, who have been making this point frequently for many years.

‘There have been many fundamental misunderstandings in the West about Islam and Muslims that we need to clear up. Mainly, we wish to make it clear that whatever you happen to think of, it has absolutely nothing to do with Islam. Islam is a religion of peace.

“Firstly, for some reason, you seem to think that the Qur’an is somehow linked to Islam. This is not the case. Islam is a ‘religion of peace’ so in no way can it have anything to do with the medieval political ideology set out in that book.

“Also, these buildings called mosques? They have absolutely nothing to do with Islam. And the Muslims praying there? I have no idea who they are, but they are certainly nothing to do with Islam. Why would anyone wish to go there every Friday and be indoctrinated with hatred for the Jews and the urge to overthrow Western democracy? Islam is a religion of peace.

“So as you can see, nothing whatsoever, including the Qur’an, mosques, headscarves, burkas, expansionism, supremacism, suicide bombings, 9/11, 7/7, endless demands for special treatment, martyrdom, beheadings, rape of infidel white girls, Islamic State atrocities, genocide of Christians, Boko Haram, Al Shabaab and Al Qaeda, has anything to do with Islam.

“And I will kill anyone who says otherwise. And by the way, I have nothing to do with Islam either.”

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